


No Promises

by love_anime123



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Flashback, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, High School, M/M, Neighbors, Pining!Levi, clueless!Eren, links to outfits, no smut this is all angst and fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26011990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_anime123/pseuds/love_anime123
Summary: Your typical high school cliche with a pining Levi and a clueless Eren. Seriously, it cannot get more cliche than this.
Relationships: Levi & Eren Yeager, Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 3
Kudos: 147





	1. August

“So, Senior year, huh?” Hanji said, distracting Levi from throwing his books into his locker.

“I feel the exact same I felt last year,” Levi said.

“Yeah? Still in love with Eren?”

“Four-Eyes,” Levi punched her on the shoulder, “shut up.”

“Levi,” Hanji rolled her eyes, “everyone knows you like Eren. He’s the only one that’s clueless,”

“Yeah, well, I would prefer it if he remained clueless, thank you very much,” Levi grumbled, closing his locker and leaning against it.

“You really should tell him. It’s been years of you pining and everyone is getting quite tired of it,”

“Hanji, I can’t just _tell_ him I like that. Eren and I have been best friends since before middle school. We basically grew up together. If I tell him how I feel I don’t think our friendship would survive,” Levi murmured, looking away. Hanji only sighed and leaned against the lockers as well.

“If you don’t tell him you will never know his true feelings. You will be looking at him with those puppy dog eyes for the rest of your life. If you tell him and he rejects you at least you will be able to get closure and move on. Besides, I know Eren and he would never let something like that get in between you guys. You have been together for a long time. If you tell him it might be awkward at first but you’ll get through it. That’s what best friends do,”

“You know, sometimes you speak like you think you’re the wisest,” Levi chuckled, choosing to not acknowledge the brunette’s words of wisdom. He knew she was right. Everyone knew Hanji was right. But he couldn’t do it. He really wanted to. God, in a perfect world he would confess and Eren would feel the same and they would live happily ever after. But Levi knew those were only the dreams that plagued his sleepless nights. It would never be like that. He would rather keep Eren as a friend than lose him altogether.

“That’s because I am the wisest. You guys just need a little push; I’m here to help,”

“Well, thanks but I think I will handle my love troubles by myself,” Levi said, now leaning away form the lockers and moving to walk to his first class of the day. The bell was about to ring.

“Good luck being in love with the same person for the rest of your life then,” Hanji grumbled, a little offended that Levi wouldn’t take her help. She watched Levi huff quietly before she too left for her own class.

***

Eren rushed into the cafeteria. He had been held up by a certain someone after his U.S. history class and so had no idea where his friends were. He looked around, eyes scanning for Erwin since he was the tallest and would be the one to stand out the most in the array of tables. Once he found his group of friends, he rushed over. 

“Guys! You will not believe what just happened to me!” Eren said, immediately sitting next to Levi because that was just how they always sat. It was their thing.

“What?,” Petra said.

“So I was walking out of U.S. history, minding my business, like always,”—Levi muttered “I find that hard to believe” which prompted a quick glare from Eren— “when Reiner came up to me and guess what he did,”

Eren was smiling so wide now that everyone was extremely curious as to what the popular classmate had done. Everyone stared at him intently, waiting for him to finish his story but he only remained staring at them.

“I said guess!” Eren said. Almost immediately, everyone rolled their eyes.

“He asked to copy your notes,” Erwin chimed in. Eren shook his head.

“He said you look absolutely stunning with your new haircut,” Petra winked.

“No, but thank you,” Eren blushed, running his hands through his hair.

“He asked you out,” Hanji offered.

“Yeah, right,” Levi huffed, knowing the guess to be almost impossible. He picked up his spoon and shoved a bit of Mac and Cheese in his mouth.

“Correct!” Eren said. Levi choked on his food and began to cough violently. Hanji at his side patted his back, both to help the food out and to show him pity for the news.

“He did what?” Levi almost growled, looking at Eren with such intensity that the table remained speechless.

“I know right?! I mean, this is Reiner! He’s like the most popular guy in school,” Eren said, sighing almost dreamily. Everyone looked at Levi with a mixture of worry and pity. Hanji was still patting his back and Erwin was sending him sympathy glances. Petra avoided his eyes altogether, knowing it would hurt her to see Levi hurt like that.

“You said no, right?” Erwin said, attempting to provide hope that maybe this wasn’t going down the path they thought it was.

“What? Of course I said yes. He’s _Reiner_. Even if you don’t have a crush on him, you have a crush on him,” Eren explained. He had always noticed the classmate from afar and could understand why he was so popular. He was tall, handsome, intelligent, talented. He was almost the perfect man. Why would Eren ever say no to such an opportunity?

Everyone remained quiet. Levi was no longer looking at anyone. He was staring at his tray food, his head down and hands in his lap. There was a tension in the air that Eren couldn’t understand.

“Aren’t you guys happy for me? What’s going on?” Eren asked, a little confused.

“No, no, Eren, we are,” Petra popped in, trying to keep him from noticing Levi, “we’re just a little worried for you,”

“Worried?”

“You know how Reiner is. He’s had a reputation of dating…a substantial amount of people…at the same time,” Petra drawled, trying to say everything as delicately as possible. One wrong move could make Eren lash out. Everyone was aware of his short temper.

“Those are just rumors, Petra. People love to exaggerate things for drama,” Eren waved the whole subject aside. Hanji was about to back Petra up when Levi suddenly stood up.

“I think I still have some food stuck in my throat. I need to go to the bathroom,” Levi said, avoiding everyone’s eyes like the plague.

“Yeah, I should go sit with the Juniors today,” Eren said, getting up as well.

As Levi was was walking away, Eren called out to him.

“Levi!” the said main turned around to see his best friend, the love of his life, in front of him.

“Are we still meeting up at our spot after school?” Eren asked, smiling lightly. The image of the spot on the school roof popped into his head. It had become their spot when Eren had been a freshman and Levi a sophomore. They had grown into the habit of hanging there for a bit of fresh air after school before going home. It was _their_ spot. Levi and Eren had a spot. They shared it. What did Eren and Reiner have? Nothing.

The thought made Levi feel a little better.

“Yeah, brat. Always,” Levi said before walking away.

***

Eren then moved back to his seat with the Juniors. When he sat, he immediately began to retell what he told the Seniors. Often Eren had to divide his time among his own classmates and the Seniors. He had basically grown up with Levi after the elder had moved in front of his house and their parents had become friends. They spent a lot of time together and were the best of friends. Levi being a year older than Eren was only a little annoying in situations like these, where he had to choose who to sit with. Eren enjoyed spending time with Levi and his own friends. Hanji and Erwin were specially fun to be with and Petra was just the sweetest angel. But Eren also liked to be around his own classmates, even if Jean did get on his nerves a bit. After a couple of years of hopping from group to group, Eren decided to just go with the flow and hang out with both. If he felt like being with Levi he would sit with him during lunch. If he felt particularly drawn to the Juniors, he would sit with them. Simple as that.

The Juniors took the news about Reiner a lot better than the Seniors did. They smiled and congratulated him, even wished him luck. Of course, Mikasa was as suspicious as ever thanks to the rumors flying around about Reiner being a player but Eren tried to soothe her worries the best he could. He felt much better about the news now that he had gotten some positive reactions. 

After lunch, he practically skipped to his next period.

***

Levi was probably having the worst day of his life. That had really happened. Eren had really just said that he was going out with that mountain of a man. He even seemed _excited_ about it. Levi felt his heart squeeze up at the mere image of Eren’s joyous face. He never thought Eren’s happiness would make him hurt so badly.

The rest of his classes felt like an eternal hell. He couldn’t pay attention to a single thing the teachers were saying. He was stuck in head, thinking about the ways to get over the fact that Eren was now dating someone else. He was officially taken by someone else, _belonged_ to someone else. It was a sickening thought; the type of thought that made you dizzy and brought the urge to puke your guts out. The whole thing was just not right. It didn’t make sense. It _couldn’t_ make sense. The idea that Eren could be anyone else’s but Levi was just wrong.

As soon as his last class ended, Levi made his way towards the roof. Students technically weren’t allowed up there but it was always easy to sneak in when the halls were crowded with students. No one would be able to notice him sneak into the room that led to the stairs if there were a hundred other people walking around. Eren and Levi had gotten caught maybe once and had only received a detention as punishment. It wasn’t nearly enough to keep them away from going again.

When Levi arrived he took out the blanket he always kept in his bag and laid it on the floor. He sat on it and looked at the view. From up there he could see a lot of the city. He could see the buildings, roads, trees, cars. It was a nice view. He had never been there for a sunset because he never stayed in school for too long. Levi closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He felt the wind around him, hugging him. He wondered what the sunset sky would look like from here. He wondered what it would feel like to watch the colors in the sky change with Eren by his side. Maybe Eren would lay his head on Levi’s shoulder and snuggle into his neck. Maybe Levi would put an arm around Eren’s waist and maybe Levi would lift his head up and get real close and—

Levi snapped his eyes open. He shook his head to get rid of the thought. He was doing this to himself. He was giving himself pain and for what? An illusion? Thinking about what could be and what he could have was only a path to disappointment. He had spent most of his high school years thinking and dreaming about Eren and his stupid fucking gorgeous face and brilliant smile and bright eyes and perfect nose and soft cheeks. Every single second of that had been pure heaven for a little and then it would quickly turn into moments of hell because Eren was _right there_. Eren had always been right there, within his reach. Levi had always been able to touch him and look at him and talk to him. But all of a sudden everything turned so difficult. He couldn’t touch Eren without feeling like his skin was burning; he couldn’t look at Eren without having to gasp for breath; he couldn’t talk to Eren without being distracted by his bright green eyes. Everything related to Eren turned into a struggle. Yeah, it felt amazing to be by his side and be the cause of his smiles and laughs, but the feeling never lasted long. Soon enough he would be alone at night, lying in his bed, yearning for something that was right in his hands but slipping through his fingers.

Levi sighed. He was doing it again, feeling sorry for himself. He really needed to stop doing that. He really needed to stop thinking about Eren. Maybe Hanji had a point. Maybe he really should tell Eren and just get it all over with. Maybe that was the only way to move on.

“Hey! You’re here already,” Eren said, sitting down on the blanket. He handed Levi his usual snack from the vending machine. Levi took it but didn’t open it.

“So, Reiner, huh?” Levi asked, pushing the words out of his mouth with a struggle. God, Levi was such a masochist.

“I know right?! Who would have thought?” Eren smiled slightly. He wasn’t looking at Levi so the elder couldn’t see his smile but Levi was glad for that. The smile wasn’t for him.

“Don’t you think it’s a little weird that he asked you out all of a sudden? I mean, it’s only the first day of school,”

“I thought so at first but it turns out he has been meaning to ask me for some time now and decided to just get it over with as soon as possible. Something about closure or whatever. At least that’s what he said when I asked him about it,” Eren shrugged before opening his own snack, a Twix, his favorite.

Levi hummed as an answer because he really didn’t have anything to say. Eren thought it meant something else.

“I know you guys are worried about Reiner and everything but there’s no need to be. They’re just rumors, he said so,”

“Yeah, of course he would say so,” Levi muttered but Eren heard.

“Levi, not everyone is evil and mean. He could just really like me. Why does he need to have some kind of ulterior motive for our relationship to make sense?” Eren said, now visibly getting upset. Levi pretended not to hear the “ _our_ relationship” portion of the response because they hadn’t even gone out together yet. Levi had more of a relationship with the blanket he was sitting on than Eren and Reiner did at that moment.

“I just think you’re too naive sometimes,” Levi said and immediately knew it had come out all wrong.

“Naive?!” Eren scoffed, “just because I don’t think everyone is out to hurt me doesn’t mean I’m naive! Why is it so hard to believe that Reiner wants to be with me for real? Am I really that unattractive?” Eren asked, his deepest thoughts slipping out without him wanting to. He didn’t want pity or reassurance. His insecurities weren’t supposed to be said aloud like that but it was too late now.

As soon as Levi heard the words that came out of Eren’s mouth he wanted to recite a million poems, a thousand sonnets about how stunning and incomparable Eren was in terms of both physical beauty and personality. But he stopped himself. He needed to handle this carefully.

“Don’t be ridiculous, brat. No one thinks that. If anything, Reiner doesn’t deserve you and I doubt he ever will. Everyone is just worried for you. We don’t want you to be disappointed if things don’t work out. Or get hurt if our suspicions are correct,” Levi prevented himself from saying “ _when_ our suspicious become reality” rather than the “if” statement he knew was just a lie. Eren didn’t need that right now.

“Thanks, but I think I will be fine. This isn’t my first relationship, you know?” Eren now smiled slightly and Levi knew things were okay again. He didn’t mention that the last relationship Eren had was in middle school and barely lasted two weeks.

“Yeah, okay. Let’s just go home,” Levi said, suddenly feeling the overwhelming need to be in bed right now. Eren nodded and stood up. They packed up and made their way down the stairs. They arrived at the student parking lot and found Levi’s car.

“Mikasa doesn’t need a ride today, right?” Levi asked, getting inside the car.

“No, she has Karate Club today. They’re choosing the new president and she hopes it will be her so she has to be there until a little later. She said her friend Annie will take her home,”

Levi nodded at the answer before starting he car. Ever since he got his license sophomore year he had been driving Eren and Mikasa to and from school. He spent more time with Eren than Mikasa though because Eren just couldn’t bring himself to join any extracurricular activities. Levi didn’t complain.

His house was right in front of Eren’s, separated by only the street, so it was never an issue to drive Eren home and drop him off. Levi walked in without a word to his parents and slumped on the bed. He didn’t do anything but think for the rest of the day. His syllabi and permission slips remained in his bag until the next morning. He didn’t have dinner either. He wasn’t hungry.

——-

_“Mom, who is that?” Eren asked, looking out the living room window. There was a large moving truck in front of the house across the street. Various men were loading things into the house as a small eleven year old kid sat on a chair on the lawn._

_“Those are the new neighbors, sweetie. We will say hi later when they’re not so busy. Their son seems to be about your age. Maybe you’ll be friends,”_

_Days later, Eren had seen Levi at the park by himself, looking around as if admiring everything. Then all of a sudden the usual three bullies that made Eren’s and all his friends’ lives miserable appeared and began to surround Levi. They got closer and closer to beat him up most likely. Eren immediately set off to help the kid, knowing he was probably not used to fighting like Eren was._

_But by the time Eren had gotten there Levi had already hit the kids and thrown them to the floor. Instantly, the bullies stood up and ran away. The bullies were gone._

_“Oh, I thought you would need help,” Eren said._

_“Well, you thought wrong,” Levi said, his glare not abated by Eren at all._

_“Geez, there’s no need to be so rude,”_

_“I’m not being rude. You’re being sensitive,”_

_“I am not!”_

_“Then why are you whining?” Levi sneered, crossing his arms._

_“You little jerk!” Eren, like always, gave into his anger and swung. Levi easily dodged and hit Eren in the face with his elbow. Eren covered his face in pain before Levi tripped him and he landed on his knees. Levi knelt down and grabbed Eren’s hair to bring his face up._

_“Who needs help now?” Levi said before letting go and walking away._

_Eren bleeding and beaten up was a regular sight at the Jeager household. His mom was done with arguing with Eren and scolding him. It was to the point where Eren would walk in and his mom would only sigh and search for the first aid kit._

_“It was those bullies again, wasn’t it?” Carla asked, cleaning up Eren’s bloody nose. It wasn’t broken, thankfully._

_“Uhh, yeah,” Eren lied, knowing it made no difference whether it was the bullies or not._

_“Eren, how many times do I need to scold you about these things?”_

_“It’s okay, mom. I’ll try to stop,” Eren said and meant it._

_The next time he saw Levi was at Levi’s own house. The boy was in the lawn again, reading a book this time. When Eren approached him, he didn’t look away from his book._

_“What do you want?”_

_“I want you to teach me how to fight,”_

_“What makes you think I’ll help you?”_

_“Nothing, but it would be nice if you did,” Eren answered honestly._

_Levi stared at him this time. He had closed his book and was now looking at Eren carefully, as if seeing if the younger was capable of being trained._

_“Alright, I’ll help you,” Levi said, “but you have to do everything I say without any questions asked,”_

_“You got it!” Eren said, smiling so brightly Levi wondered if the boy had a small sun inside his mouth._

_“My name is Eren, by the way,” the brunette said._

_“Levi,”_

_Not once did Eren arrive at his house beaten up after that._


	2. September

Eren and Reiner had already been dating for month, a lot longer than Levi thought it would last. They had already gone on multiple dates and were even out in the open now. Every day he would walk the halls with his head down in fear of looking ahead and seeing Eren pushed against a locker while Reiner shoved his dirty tongue into his mouth. The mere thought made Levi watch to retch. He avoided any classes he knew the couple had together so he wouldn’t have to see them hold hands. He pretended his lunch table was the only one in the cafeteria so he didn’t have to see Eren feed Reiner like he was a fucking baby.

It sucked, really badly. It was so bad it was starting to get on his nerves. He had to constantly refrain himself from snapping at anyone who so much as glanced at him. Waking up was a mission; going to school required immeasurable amounts of strength; looking at Eren took too much bravery. Everything had changed. Eren hadn’t sat with him during lunch for weeks now. He hadn’t texted Eren in days. They hadn’t been to each other’s houses since Eren came to pick up a recipe for his mom three weeks ago. Things were weird. Things were wrong.

“Hey, Levi, how have you been?” Petra asked, taking her usual seat next to him for Economics. They had a substitute today. Maybe God was real after all.

“Fine,” he answered as monotone as ever.

“Yeah, right,” she said, rolling her eyes a little. It annoyed Levi just a little. When he didn’t offer an answer, Petra continued.

“Levi, seriously. We all know what’s going on. Just talk to us, or to me at least if you don’t want to deal with Hanji,”

“I said I’m fine,” Levi insisted.

“Are you really? Because Eren hasn’t eaten with us in a long time now. I haven’t seen you talk to him either. This is killing you, I know it,”

“Petra, I said I’m _fine_ ,” Levi growled out. His temper had been growing dangerously short since August. He felt a little bad when Petra pursed her lips and looked down at her lap. But he didn’t feel guilty enough to apologize.

“Alright, be like that,” she answered coldly, “I was just going to suggest for you to talk to him and hang out with him when you can because if not you will drift apart and that will be much worse but forget it,”

They remained quiet for the rest of the class. When it ended, they parted ways without a goodbye. Levi met Eren at their spot that day, as usual. That was one thing he couldn’t complain about. At least they still had that. When he saw Eren, Levi heeded Petra’s advice and asked him to hang out on the weekend. Eren had practically beamed at the question. It made Levi’s heart overheat in his chest.

***

Levi and Eren had made plans to meet up at the mall. They would have something to eat, walk around for a bit, maybe buy things they don’t really need, and watch a movie. It was a great plan because it would give them plenty of time to talk and catch up on the whole month they had spent disconnected. Needless to say, Levi was eager to see Eren again, not that he showed it. But he didn’t need to show it. Feeling it was enough.

Like always, Levi had been up early in the morning, counting the hours until it was a reasonable time to leave. At some point he got tired of waiting and decided to just leave and hang out in the mall. He was extremely early, about two hours before he was supposed to meet Eren but he didn’t mind. It was better than sitting in his room waiting for time to go by at the agonizing pace of a snail. The mall provided a distraction. He spent the first hour at the small tea place next to the H&M. They didn’t have particularly great tea but it was much better than anything he got at the convenient coffee shops spread around the city. By the time the second hour rolled around, Levi knew Eren was probably on his way here. They had come separately because Eren had to attend one of Mikasa’s Karate tournaments or matches or whatever. Levi never understood anything about that. What was the point of fighting if you weren’t allowed to really fuck someone up?

Levi had been walking around when a small cart full of all types of jewelry caught his eye. He walked towards it and looked around until he saw a [bracelet](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/50/f7/ef/50f7ef7efa2f217d39aabc5e752b0e34.jpg) that immediately reminded him of Eren. It was a subtle green cord bracelet with a crescent moon and star on it. The best thing about it was that the green of the bracelet was almost the same color as Eren’s eyes. It was truly beautiful and Levi thought it would match Eren perfectly. Just the thought of Eren raising his hand to scratch his nose or pull a hair away from his face with the bracelet on his wrist bringing attention to his eyes was enough to make Levi’s heart pound like drums.

Without asking for the price, Levi bought the bracelet. He denied the offer of a bag. He thought it would just be better to hand it to Eren like this rather than packaged. He thought the bag would make it seem like a gift, like he had been thinking about Eren and had bought it for him. That would be suspicious, so he instead put it in his jacket pocket to pull out later.

After half an hour, Levi noticed that it would be about thirty minutes until the time him and Eren were supposed to meet. He decided to just walk to the entrance of the mall and wait for him there rather than at a random store. He knew how bad Eren’s sense of direction was. On his way to the entrance his phone began to vibrate with a call. It was Eren, probably to ask where he was so they could meet up. It was so unlike Eren to be so early but maybe his parents just dropped him off on the way home from the tournament. Levi picked up the phone and answered it.

“Hey,” he said, the corner of his lips quirking up a little.

“Hey, you haven’t left your house yet, right?” Eren asked. Levi frowned. That was a weird question.

“Uh, no, I haven’t. I’m about to head out, though,” Levi lied, his eyebrows scrunching up a little in worry.

“Oh, that’s great! Do you mind if we reschedule? Reiner just invited me to hang out with his friends and this would be the first time I would get to meet up with them outside of school. I felt bad saying no, you know?” Eren explained, shattering Levi’s heart with every word that came from his side of the call. Levi closed his eyes, the only sign of hurt that showed on his impassive face.

“Oh, yeah, I get it. Don’t worry. Maybe some other time,” Levi said, his voice showing no signs of being shaken or upset. It was moments like these that made Levi grateful he had so much experience controlling his emotions.

“Great! Thanks, Levi! I’ll see you later,” Eren said, sounding very happy. Levi swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Yeah, have fun,” he hung up before Eren could slip anything more in. He didn’t want to hear his voice anymore.

Levi took a deep breath and reached in his pocket. He pulled out the bracelet and stared at it like it could transform into Eren at any second. He sighed and put it away. He walked to his car and went home. He didn’t speak to Eren the whole weekend and only saw him again on Monday at the roof where they met up before going home. It was the only thing that hadn’t changed. At least Levi could have Eren all to himself there. At least Eren could be with only Levi for those sweet minutes they spent up there after school. At least Levi still had their spot to distract him from everything else he was losing.


	3. November

All of October had passed in a flash. Levi had been spending more and more time with his friends, even if he didn’t want to, just to get away from Eren. He never told Eren about the incident at the mall. The only proof that he had ever been there was in his mind and in the bracelet he now wore. He didn’t give it to Eren. He couldn’t bring himself to so he decided to keep it for himself. Every time he saw it on his wrist it reminded him of the horrible feeling he felt in his gut when Eren had cancelled with him in order to be with Reiner. It was painful but it was necessary.

Not only was Levi spending more time with his friends, he was spending more and more time studying. It was a good distraction. He would leave his house for the library or a coffee shop to study and not come back for hours. The time spent with his head in a book drowned out the world and prevented him from coming up with the painful thoughts that often kept him awake at night. His grades had become impeccable and his GPA had gotten such a boost he was verbally praised by the guidance counselor every time they crossed paths in the hallway. At this rate he could achieve _summa cum laude_ for graduation. It wasn’t like he cared but it gave him something to look forward to, to keep him busy. It kept his thoughts away from Eren and that was enough.

When Eren and Reiner had shown up on Halloween dress down day with matching costumes, Levi didn’t take it to heart. He wasn’t even planning on putting effort into his own costume in the first place. He had shown up to school with black jeans, a black leather jacket, and black combat boots and called himself a modern day depiction of Death. He also didn’t get offended when Eren spent the entirety of the Halloween party drinking with Reiner’s friends rather than with Levi, like he always had done all the years before. Levi didn’t get offended by the little things anymore. Things were changing and he was hurting but maybe this is what he needed to finally move on. At least that’s what he told himself. He kept saying that he wasn’t upset or taking things to heart by the things Eren was doing with someone else. He tried to convince himself but the pain in his heart wouldn’t go away. The longing look in his eyes that showed up every time he looked at Eren didn’t disappear. The feelings he had been harboring since he was old enough to know about love remained within him and Levi was afraid he would never get rid of them. He was deadly terrified of that because those very same feelings that had provided a reason for why life mattered before were now making him wish he was dead.

***

The worst of the worst happened towards the end of November, before Thanksgiving break began. It had been a regular day of school. Like always Levi was waiting for Eren at the roof so they could go home together. The younger had texted Levi that he would take a little longer than usual because he needed to talk to his teacher about a test grade. Levi had told him it was fine but that he should try to not take too long because Levi was supposed to pick up his uncle Kenny from the airport since he was coming home to spend Thanksgiving with the family. Levi had specifically stressed that it was Kenny because Eren was one of the few people that knew how tough and cold hearted that man was. If Levi was late to pick him up he would never hear the end of it.

Levi had waited in the roof for minutes. Thirty-seven minutes to be exact. Every time the wind blew and made the trees rustle and make noise, Levi would look behind him to see if the noise was Eren coming in. It never was. By the time forty-five minutes of waiting rolled around, Levi gave up and packed his blanket. He walked down the stairs with the goal of finding Eren and seeing what kind of test was so long and important that it needed a discussion of almost an hour. He was walking out of the door that led to the stairs when he bumped into someone.

“Hey, watch it!” Levi growled out immediately after the collision before looking up and seeing the culprit, “oh, Eren.”

“Oh, my god, Levi. I’m so sorry! I didn’t even notice the meeting had taken this long. I was so distracted—,” Eren continued to explain but Levi wasn’t listening. He was staring at Eren. He noticed Eren’s disheveled hair, messier than it usually was, as if fingers had been running through it. Eren’s cheeks were dusted impossibly pink and his lips were swollen and red. There was a dark mark on his neck. Eren noticed his stare and immediately turned even more red as he slapped his hand on his neck to cover the mark. Levi literally heard his heart shatter.

“Yeah, I’m sure you were really busy,” he spat, venom dripping from his mouth as he pushed past him.

“Wait, Levi, let me explain!” Eren called out.

“You don’t need to explain anything. Whatever you do in your own time is your business,” Levi said as he continued to walk away. Eren reached him and grabbed his wrist to talk but Levi pulled it away.

“Find a way to get home. I have to go pick up my uncle at the airport. I’m already _late_ ,” he said, walking faster this time. He left Eren behind because he didn’t want to see him. He wasn’t even sorry that he was probably going to make Eren walk home.

For the first time since Levi moved to Eren’s neighborhood he didn’t pass by Eren’s house for Thanksgiving.

——-

_“So what is it that you had to tell me so privately you couldn’t tell me in my own house, brat?” Levi asked, sitting on the swing at the park where he had beaten Eren up only three years before._

_“I didn’t want your parents to overhear or anything,” Eren avoided his eyes like he had been doing sine he made the statement that he had to get something off his chest._

_“So you brought me to a public place? How does that make any sense?”_

_“It’s safer! There’s no one around,” Eren said and Levi had to admit he was right. The park was empty, not a single kid in sight._

_“Alright, whatever. Just tell me what’s bothering you so I can go back home to read my book,” Levi said, pretending to not care about Eren when in reality he was dying to know what had Eren looking soworried._

_“I have recently realized….something. It’s a pretty big deal and I don’t know who else to tell,”_

_“You chose me over Mikasa? That’s surprising,”_

_“I don’t think she’s ready to hear this yet. I’ll tell her later on,”_

_“It’s up to you. Now spit it out,” Levi (tried to) encouraged._

_“I think I might…like…boys?” Eren winced at his own words. He buried his face in his hands once the words were finally out. He didn’t know how Levi would react and he would rather not have to see Levi’s disgusted face._

_But Levi was nowhere near disgusted. He had stop swinging and was now staring at Eren with wide eyes. Did Eren just come out to him? Could it be possible? Could Levi really have a chance with him? Levi suddenly stood up and walked over to the swing next to his where Eren was. He squatted and pulled away Eren’s hands from his face._

_“You’re gay?” he asked, his heart swelling at the possibility. Eren only nodded, looking terrified._

_“I’m sorry if I make you uncomfortable. If it’s a problem I completely understand—” Eren stopped talking when Levi stood up and pulled him up from the swing. They stood in front of each other for only a second before Levi put his arms around Eren’s neck and hugged him. Eren’s mouth hung open in shock as he held his arms up, not knowing what to do with them. After a couple of seconds, he let his arms relax and he hugged Levi back. It had been their first hug and so it was a little awkward but it was warm and loving._

_“It’s okay,” Levi said against his ear, “I am too,”_

_Eren suddenly pulled back, unwinding Levi’s arms from his neck._

_“Seriously?!”_

_“Yes,” Levi said, now taking a step back because they were too close for Levi to handle. The hug had almost been enough to make him confess everything right then and there. He needed a little distance from Eren to calm down. He felt like his heart was pounding inside his throat._

_“That’s so convenient!” Eren said, bursting into a spontaneous laugh that had Levi covering his smile with his hand. This was really happening. Eren was gay, Eren liked men. Levi was a man. It could work. This could actually work. Levi was sure that at that point in time he was the happiest he had ever been. He could actually have Eren. He actually had a chance._


	4. December

It was the first week of December when Eren had shown up at his door.

“What do you want?” Levi asked, glaring at Eren from the crack he had opened on the door.

“To talk to you,” Eren said, looking hopeful and a bit sad really. Levi didn’t budge.

“I don’t want to,” Levi said and moved to slam the door. Eren shoved his foot in front and prevented the door from slamming closed but Eren didn’t really think that through, just like every reckless thing he did. He immediately yelled in pain because Levi had actually tried to be dramatic and slam the door in his face so the force of the door was strong. The pain that was shooting in Eren’s foot was so powerful his knees instantly buckled.

“Shitty brat, you see what you do?” Levi complained but was actually extremely worried. He didn’t mean to hurt Eren like that. He watched Eren on his knees, his hands clutching his foot as he winced.

“Get inside, you’re causing a scene for the neighbors,” Levi rolled his eyes and opened the door all the way. Eren tried to stand but the pressure on his foot hurt him so much he swayed a bit. Levi was at his side in a flash, putting his arm around Eren’s hips to support him. Instinctively, Eren put his arm around Levi’s shoulder so he could stay upright.

“It hurts a lot, Levi. I can’t walk on it,” Eren whined, making Levi produce his signature “tsk”.

“Let’s just get you to my room so maybe we can put some ice on it,” Levi answered. He helped Eren onto his bed and shoved a pillow under his injured foot (after he had taken off his shoes, of course, Levi wasn’t an animal). It was a little red and maybe somewhat swollen but it didn’t look too serious. Levi was sure a bag of frozen peas would be enough to fix it. When he came back into the room, he laid the bag on Eren’s foot and headed towards the door to leave.

“Levi, no! Stay,” Eren said, looking at him with his big captivating green eyes, “please?”

Levi’s resolve crumbled in record time. He sighed and closed the bedroom door. He sat on the foot of the bed, facing Eren and crossing his arms. He didn’t say anything but he didn’t need to. Eren started the conversation.

“I’m sorry about what happened that day. I actually _did_ have to talk to a teacher about my grade but then Reiner caught up with me right after and things got a bit out of hand. I didn’t notice the time. I was being inconsiderate, I know that. I’m so sorry. I hope you didn’t get into trouble with your uncle because of me,” Eren ranted, gesturing with his hands like he always did when he was feeling the moment, meaning the words that were coming out of his mouth. Levi watched him closely, carefully. Eren didn’t seem to be lying and actually looked sincere in his apology. This wasn’t the first fight he had ever had with Eren but this was the first time Eren’s apology didn’t make him feel any better. There was still a heavy weight on his chest, pushing down on his lungs and not allowing him to breathe correctly.

“I didn’t get in trouble with my uncle because his luggage had actually gotten lost so he had to take longer at baggage claim than usual,” Levi explained and he saw as Eren visibly slumped in relief.

“That’s good but I’m still very sorry. You must have waited there all that time,”

“Yes, I did,” Levi said, still upset about the whole situation. It really wasn’t that big of a deal. Eren had done worse things before but the fact that he had once again put Reiner before Levi hurt him. It hurt him so much. He didn’t want to be there for Eren only when it was convenient for the younger. He didn’t want to be second place.

“Seriously, Levi, I’m sorry, okay?” Eren repeated, noticing that his explanation and previous apologies had not cut it for Levi. The elder looked at Eren for at least two solid minutes before he sighed and accepted Eren’s apology. Levi knew it was the right thing to do when he saw Eren’s bright smile. It was Levi’s favorite smile, the one that would stretch Eren’s cheeks all cutely and exposed his perfect row of pearl white teeth. It was the one that forced his eyes into little moon crescents that would just put the stars themselves to shame.

“Thank you,” Eren said before getting a little more serious, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you actually. I don’t know if it’s just me but I’ve been feeling like we have been drifting apart a little and I just…I just don’t know why,”

“We’ve both been very busy with school, Eren. It was bound to happen. You’re in the most important high school year and I’m about to graduate and—” Levi stopped when he saw Eren shake his head.

“It’s not like that. I don’t mean growing apart like we don’t have time to hang out. I mean growing apart like I have no idea what’s going on with you and you don’t know anything about what has been happening to me. Like we don’t talk anymore…not like we used to anyway,” Eren responded, sounding very hurt and reminiscent. Levi opened his mouth to answer but Eren continued.

“We’re best friends, Levi. I tell you everything. We used to hang out after school at my house for hours before you had to come home for dinner. Now I just don’t see you for weeks,”

“Eren, things have changed. Actually—” Levi stopped and faced Eren without fear of hurting his feelings, “it’s you. You have changed. Maybe you don’t notice because you’re all caught up in this little world of yours but we haven’t talked or been together because you’re with Reiner all the time,”

Levi was done eating his feelings. Eren needed to know the truth and he won’t hesitate to spare the younger’s feelings. Levi had always been brutally honest, why stop now?

“What? That’s not true,” Eren defended.

“Yes, it is. Who walks you to all your classes? Who’s always waiting by your locker? Who have you been eating lunch with these days? It’s not me anymore, is it? It’s Reiner now. Face it. Your life revolves around Reiner now and I’d rather not have anything to do with that mountain man. I know he’s your boyfriend or whatever but that doesn’t mean I have to like him,” Levi had probably said more words in that minute than he ever had in his entire life but he didn’t regret them. He saw that Eren was a little hurt but if Levi didn’t let him know these things Eren would have never noticed them.

“I—” Eren stammered, he was at a loss for words.

“Just admit it, Eren. You don’t have time for me or any of your other friends anymore,”

“No, Levi, wait. I get it. I spend a lot of time with Reiner but that shouldn’t keep us from hanging out every once in a while,”

“It already did,” Levi said, not meaning to say it but doing it anyway.

“You said it was okay,” Eren defended himself, clearly remembering that Levi had been fine with cancelling their plans at the mall. Levi had said he understood.

“What was I supposed to do? Say it wasn’t okay and force you to spend time with me? I’d rather be alone than with someone who doesn’t want to be with me,” Levi was getting angry now. He had gotten up and was now pacing.

“Oh,” Eren said. He looked down at his hands and began to twiddle his thumbs. When Eren rose his head again he was biting his bottom lip and his eyes were specially shiny. Immediately, all Levi wanted to do was stop this stupid fight and comfort the younger. Levi cursed his weakness.

“I never realized,” Eren explained, “I’ve been putting you and my other friends second place to Reiner and I didn’t even notice. I’m sorry, Levi. I’m so sorry. I never meant to do that,”

Levi eyed Eren for a split second before sighing and rubbing his face with his hand. He sat back down on the bed.

“It’s okay. At least you acknowledge it now. All that’s left is to fix it. Spend some more time with your Junior friends, say no to Reiner every once in a while…stop cancelling on me,” Eren nodded at every word Levi said with eagerness. He looked much better now. He seemed happy, satisfied that they had resolved their issues.

“Thank you for always being there, Levi. And for never failing to give it to me straight,”

“Damn right. You might be seventeen but you’re still the same spoiled brat you were when we met,”

“I am not!”

“Listen to yourself. You just whined like a brat,”

Eren grabbed one of Levi’s pillows and threw it at the elder man but Levi was quick to catch it before it hit his face. He glared at Eren and the brunette knew he had fucked up. He didn’t have time to prevent the pillow from slamming onto his face. Eren couldn’t believe something so soft could hurt so much. Levi then brought his hand up to pass his fingers through his hair, which made Eren notice the green bracelet on his hand.

“Hey, since when have you had that?” he pointed at the bracelet so Levi knew what he referred to. Levi seemed completely unaffected by the question but he was actually wracking his brain for an answer.

“I dug it out when I cleaned my room yesterday,”

“It’s so pretty. It’s just my style,” Eren said, smiling a little when Levi handed it to him so he could admire it better. Levi prevented himself from saying “I know”. He _had_ bought for it him after all.

“Have it then. I don’t really want it,” Levi shrugged, looking like he didn’t even care for the bracelet.

“No, Levi, it’s yours,” Eren said but Levi insisted. Still, Eren refused to take it. In the end, Levi put it back on his wrist because he knew arguing with Eren about things like these was useless. Eren’s resolve was the strongest Levi had ever seen. That kid would not give up on anything, even if it killed him.

Now that they were on better terms they spent the rest of the day watching shows and talking. Eren mentioned how much he missed doing this about five times every thirty minutes and it both annoyed Levi and made him the happiest person ever. In the end, everything fell into place and it felt like nothing had changed. Eren laughed at every little thing while Levi playfully insulted him. Things were great, things were back to normal. Levi really noticed how they had gotten on good terms when Eren had fallen asleep on his bed. It was just like Eren to beg to watch a movie and then sleep midway through it. Levi wasn’t really complaining. It was a little—scratch that, it was _very_ creepy but he enjoyed to watch Eren sleep. It was one of the few opportunities he had to really stare at Eren and admire him. He couldn’t really appreciate his favorite part about Eren, his eyes, but that wasn’t so bad when he had the rest of the younger’s face to look at. Every time he looked at Eren like this, sleeping and with a face full of peace and tranquility he always noticed just how truly beautiful Eren was. He was quite frankly so out of this world. Levi had never met anyone with more flawless skin, softer hair, longer eyelashes, more perfect nose, poutier lips. Every time he looked at Eren like this he wished he had the authority to pull him close, rub his nose against Eren’s, and kiss him goodnight. He wished he had the right to brush Eren’s hair away from his face and tuck it behind his ear so it wouldn’t tickle his nose. He wished he had the privilege of having him all to himself. But wishes are just fantasies, illusions, false hopes and beliefs. Eren belonged to someone else now. Eren wasn’t his to touch, to kiss, to love. He was someone’s else’s, someone who wasn’t and would never be Levi.

Levi stood up from the bed, careful to not wake the younger up. He couldn’t be in the same bed with Eren right now. He couldn’t be right there next to him and have the willpower to not scream out his feelings and pour his heart out into the younger’s lap. Levi slipped away from his own room. His feelings for Eren were starting to grow rather than dwindle. They were getting stronger and stronger and Levi felt like his control over them was slipping away. How could he expect to move on like this, seeing and talking to Eren every day? How can he ignore his feelings when Eren was laying on his bed, laughing at his dumb shit jokes, smiling at him like that? Levi couldn’t handle it; he needed to get away.

That night Eren woke up and went home. His foot had gotten a lot better so he was able to walk without any help. He said goodbye to Levi on his way out. It was only when he got home and undressed to get into the shower when he noticed the green bracelet on his wrist.

***

It was the middle of the night a couple of days before Christmas that Levi was woken up by a tapping at his window. When he woke up, the first thing he saw was a dark silhouette at his window and Levi would have shat his pants if he hadn’t turned on his beside lamp immediately and seen that it was just Eren. Levi let a breath of relief escape as he stood up and opened the window for the younger. Eren crawled inside the room and snuggled into Levi’s blankets without a word. To say Levi was confused was an understatement.

Levi didn’t question Eren immediately, though. He closed the window and went back into bed as well. It wasn’t the first time Eren had slept over but it was definitely the first time Eren had shown up unannounced at 3:47 in the morning. After a couple of minutes of just staring at the lump that Eren made under the covers, Levi sighed and went under the covers as well. He couldn’t see Eren’s face in the dark but he heard the sniffles loud and clear.

“Eren,” he whispered, afraid of making too much noise and waking up his parents. At the sound of his name, Eren let out a particularly loud sob before burying his entire face into Levi’s chest. Levi was more than shocked. Eren knew how much Levi hesitated when it came to physical contact. The best friends had probably hugged once or twice the entire time they had known each other. The most physical contact they shared were slight brushes of the hands, playful hair rustles, and teasing pokes. So for Eren to hold on so tightly to Levi like this, wetting his pajama shirt with tears was something he wasn’t used to. That didn’t stop him from immediately putting his arms around the younger and rubbing his back soothingly, however.

Eren cried for what felt like ten minutes straight. It was the sort of crying that took a hold of your body and didn’t let you breathe. Eren’s gasps of air morphed into choked sobs. His body shook as he let out an endless stream of tears. He refused to show his face and didn’t even think about letting Levi go for a second. Meanwhile, Levi remained patient. He had no idea what this was about but it must have been pretty important for Eren to react like this. Even though it hurt him, pained him to his very core to see Eren like this, Levi remained calm and collected. He waited without complaint for Eren to be ready and explain the situation.

After several minutes, Eren finally pulled away and popped his head out of the covers for some fresh air. He wiped his tears quickly and sucked in shaky breaths through his mouth because of his stuffed nose. Levi, with his hands that were now free, pulled the tissue box he always kept at his bedside and handed it to Eren. The boy took it gratefully but only used it to wipe the tears that had slipped away. Levi was about to ask what was wrong when Eren spoke in mere whispers, as if afraid that if he said the words too loud they would prove to be true.

“Reiner is cheating on me,”

Levi was a man of little emotion but at this moment he thought he had turned into Eren for a second. The sheer amount of anger that bubbled in his chest was so overwhelming Levi thought he would explode if he didn’t punch something. Then he looked at Eren and saw how distraught he was and his rage dissipated and was replaced with pity and sympathy.

“How do you know?” Levi asked, not really knowing what else to say. Without a word, Eren pulled out his phone, unlocked it, and handed it to Levi. On the screen was a single voicemail file. Levi opened it and put the phone to his ear, knowing Eren probably didn’t want to hear whatever would play again.

It was clear that the call had been an accident. Eren probably hadn’t answered because he was asleep and so the call had gone into voicemail immediately. All that could be heard were moans and groans of pleasure. For a second, Levi thought that maybe this didn’t really mean what Eren thought. Reiner could have very well been watching porn or something. It didn’t _really_ mean he was cheating on Eren. But then he heard voices, exclamations of pleasure, cries of Reiner’s name and one he didn’t recognize. That voice that called out the stranger’s name was most definitely Reiner’s. It was indubitably so. Levi couldn’t deny it, he couldn’t comfort Eren with the possibility that it was all a misunderstanding.

The voicemail lasted another five minutes before the machine cut it off. Levi put the phone down and watched Eren, who was now burying his face into his hands. How long had they been dating again? Five months now? How long had Reiner been sneaking behind Eren’s back? How long had he been lying to him? Suddenly, the rage came back and Levi growled out.

“That piece of shit. The minute I get my hands on him I swear to all that is holy—”

“Don’t!” Eren said, raising his head to look at Levi with the reddest eyes the elder had ever seen. He could barely see the green.

“But he—”

“Let me deal with it. It’s my problem,” Eren said, making Levi sigh. This was just like Eren, as strong willed as ever, even when hurting.

Levi nodded in agreement. He would let Eren handle it. He trusted him.

“I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid. I should have seen this coming,” Eren mumbled, once again hiding his face in his hands.

“There was no way for you to have predicted this, Eren,”

“Yes, there was. If I had just listened to you and everyone else that told me about those rumors. If I just hadn’t been so—so _naive_ ,”

“Brat, you’re not naive and this isn’t your fault. This is all that dipshit’s doing. You’re not to blame,”

“I just feel so hurt and…humiliated. I feel used and so _worthless_. I—” Eren broke into another sob and Levi felt his heart squeeze painfully in his chest. Levi sighed and moved closer to Eren. He put an arm around the younger’s shoulder and guided his head down to rest on Levi’s own shoulder. He pressed Eren’s face into his neck as he massaged Eren’s scalp.

“Look, brat, no one could have seen this coming. We can’t ever tell how situations would turn out. You chose to date that mountain man and it turned out horribly but that doesn’t mean it was the wrong choice. You’ve learned something now, own up to it. Don’t regret choices just because they didn’t turn out the way you thought they would. Learn from what you have been put through and use it to make better choices. Utilize what you have learned from this so you never have to go through it again. Don’t regret what you did, you achieve nothing but guilt and pain. Just accept it and let it go,”

“How can I just accept it, Levi? He _cheated_ on me! I—” Eren was suddenly cut off when Levi pulled his hair back to make him face the elder.

“Don’t be a brat. Cry all you want, mope all you need to, but make sure you stand up afterwards. Make sure you go to school with your head held high and your shoulders straight. You’re Eren fucking Jeager. You’re the kid that stood up to Armin’s bullies even though they were two years older than you and four inches taller. You’re the kid that rode a skateboard down Titan Hill and almost broke his skull just because he wanted people to call him the Suicidal Maniac. You’re the kid that managed to befriend this grumpy old man even though he insulted you and beat you up. You can do anything you want,” Levi said, his grip on Eren’s hair loosening with each word until it was just his fingers buried in the brown locks. It was comforting to see Eren smile a little at the last couple of memories Levi mentioned. He was already feeling better and Levi had done nothing but state the truth.

“Thanks, Levi,” Eren said. Once again here was Levi, giving it to him straight. Like always, he was brutally honest, never bothering to sugar coat things. It was one of Eren’s favorite thing about Levi’s personality. Levi didn’t care enough to be fake. He was who he was, take it or leave it.

“Anytime, brat,” Levi said before once again letting Eren’s face fall onto his shoulder. They remained like that for a little while until Eren unintentionally fell asleep. Levi noticed and laid him down on the bed. He covered Eren with the blanket and laid next to him. He faced the younger and sighed. He knew he should be happy. He should be ecstatic that Eren would break up with Reiner and he would be single again. He should be in pure bliss at the thought of having Eren all to himself again…but he wasn’t. He didn’t want Eren like this, not if it meant he had to get hurt first. He didn’t want Eren to be broken like this. He’d rather have to watch Eren be happy with Reiner all his life than have to see him in so much pain. Levi might not have had Eren but at least the younger would be happy. He’d rather have that than see Eren in this state, crying himself to sleep in the dead of the night.

——-

_Levi walked into the hospital with hesitation. He hated the smell of hospitals. It almost made him sick. Even the color of the walls and the atmosphere of the place made him want to vomit. It was a good thing he never wished to be a doctor._

_His parents led him into the hospital room. It was a horrible sight. Eren’s mom was in a hospital bed, her eyes closed but her heart still beating. Her pretty brown hair that always reminded Levi of Eren was gone. Eren himself sat on the chair next to her, holding her hand and kissing it. His dad was not in the room. Being a doctor himself, Grisha was not only busy all the time but legally could not participate in the medical treatment of his wife. It was a pitiful sight and it hurt Levi to see Eren so terrified and miserable._

_“Levi, sweetie, why don’t you take Eren away. He needs some fresh air. Take the car,” Kuchel, his mom, told him, giving him that pleading look. Levi agreed immediately and almost had to tear Eren away from his mom. When they got in the car, away from everyone else, Eren let out a choked sob and cried. Levi started the car to get some air conditioning but didn’t make any move to drive it._

_“Eren, I’m—” Levi began but Eren put his hand up and stopped him. He finally raised his head and looked at Levi with red, glossy eyes. Levi didn’t like the way it overtook the green and almost made it disappear._

_“Don’t say i-it. Don’t say y-you’re sorry for this. It makes the s-situation sound h-hopeless,” Eren stuttered out, his sobs breaking his words._

_“Okay, I won’t,” Levi swallowed before grabbing Eren’s hand in between his own, “the situation is not hopeless, Eren. Your mom is just like you, a fighter. She will make it through this.”_

_It only made Eren cry even more. Levi held Eren’s hand even tighter, trying to concentrate on anything other than the painful squeezing of his heart._

_“I just can’t believe this,” Eren gasped out, “this is ridiculous. This is not how I imagined things would go. It’s my sixteenth birthday, Levi. We had a whole party planned. Mom said she would bake my favorite cake and dad would get drunk and do his stupid dance that everyone loves. We were supposed to spend my birthday together, happily. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. She isn’t supposed to be in there, Levi, she isn’t—”_

_Eren gashed for breath before letting out a new stream of tears. Levi could only squeeze his hand tighter._

_“Go out with me tonight,” Levi blurted out._

_“What?”_

_“It’s your birthday today and you need a distraction. I know you want to be with your mom right now but there is nothing you can do. Whether you spend the night with her or not, the outcome will be the same. Besides, I know Carla would want you to at least try to enjoy your sixteenth birthday,”_

_“Levi, I can’t just leave her,”_

_“You’re not leaving her. You have been by her side for a whole week now. It’s overwhelming you. You need a moment to yourself, to get away. You need a break from all this or you’ll break down. It’s only one night, Eren. You need this,”_

_“Just for tonight?” Eren bit his lip._

_“Just for tonight,” Levi repeated. Eren wiped the tears from his eyes and nodded. Levi rose his hand from where it was holding Eren’s to cradle the younger’s cheek. Eren stared at him and Levi stared back, ignoring the fact that Eren’s cheek fit a little too well in his palm._

_“It’s going to be okay,” he whispered._

_Levi waited outside of Eren’s house, leaning against his car. Eren said he would come out at any moment, that he was saying goodbye to his dad. Still, no matter how long Levi waited for Eren, it wasn’t enough time to prepare him for the sight._

_Eren stepped out of his house, wearing_ [ _jeans_ ](https://4.imimg.com/data4/RJ/SL/MY-15912968/mens-stylish-blazers-500x500.jpg) _that fit him so tight they looked like they were painted on. His white shirt was plain and casual but the navy blue blazer he had on top added a touch of class that tied the outfit together perfectly. His hair was neat and looked absolutely gorgeous. He looked positively stunning. So much so, Levi almost forgot how to speak._

_“You sure took a while,” Levi cleared his throat. He had wanted to say that Eren looked out of this world but it seemed like his mouth had other ideas. It was okay though because the comment had drawn a chuckle out of Eren._

_“You told me to dress nice so it took me some time to piece the outfit together,” Eren scratched the back of his head, a little embarrassed. Levi swallowed his pride and turned to open the door for Eren._

_“You look great,” he choked out, making Eren smile. Worth it._

_“You look good yourself, Mr. Emo,” Eren teased, referring to Levi’s all black_ [ _outfit_ ](https://i.pinimg.com/236x/05/f1/7f/05f17f57a441401ed119a91e60010662.jpg) _. Levi slammed the door in his face as retaliation. When he got into his own side, Eren spoke again._

_“So, where are we going that I had to bring out my special blazer?”_

_“La Rose de Maria,” Levi answered flawlessly, pulling the car out of the street where it was parked. Eren gasped and stared at him with wide eyes._

_“The one by the seaside? One of the fanciest restaurants in town? Are you crazy? Levi, I can’t afford that,”_

_“You don’t have to. It’s my treat,” Levi said, stopping at a red light and looking at Eren._

_“No, no way. I can’t make you pay for this. Turn the car around, we’re going back home,”_

_“Eren, it’s your birthday. Your mom is in the hospital. If you deserve anything it’s a fancy gourmet meal. Don’t worry about it. Consider it my birthday present to you,”_

_“Still! It’s so much money and—”_

_“If you keep complaining I will force you to get the most expensive thing on the menu. Just enjoy it. You deserve to be pampered and spoiled today. You’ve been going through a lot. For once, don’t worry about anything. Leave it to me,” Levi said, now moving because the light had turned green. He felt Eren’s eyes on him, studying him. He pretended it didn’t make him shiver._

_“Alright,”_

_When they arrived, Eren found out that Levi had gone as far as to make a reservation. They had a seat outside. The night wasn’t cold and it wasn’t hot. It was the perfect temperature. The ocean breeze provided a pleasing smell without being annoying and blowing everything out of place. From their table Eren could see the sea and the reflection of the stars above. It was so beautiful that he was completely entranced by it. He didn’t even notice when the waiter came to drop off their menus._

_Eren opened the menu and almost immediately closed it. There was no way that was the price for an_ appetizer _. Levi noticed and kicked him lightly under the table._

_“Stop worrying,” Levi gritted out, almost glaring at him. Eren nodded hesitantly and pretended not to see the prices next to the food._

_When they had ordered, Levi stared at him knowingly._

_“Don’t think I didn’t notice that you ordered the cheapest thing on the menu with a water,”_

_“I like chicken, okay? It was just a coincidence,” Eren shrugged it off, avoiding Levi’s eyes and looking at the sea._

_“Do you like it?” Levi asked after a couple of minutes of mustering enough bravery to say it._

_“You know I’ve always liked the sea, Levi,” Eren smiled a little, his hair rustling a little due to the wind._

_“Yeah, I know. That’s why I thought of this place. It’s even more beautiful at night with all the lights and the stars,”_

_“Right? This—this is really great, Levi. Thank you,” Eren smiled at him. It was the first genuine, wide smile Levi had seen in weeks. For the first time since the news of his mom, Eren looked happy._

_“Anytime, brat,” Levi answered, allowing himself to smile back._


	5. February

When school started again in January, Eren was feeling much better. He was still hurt but he wasn’t as distraught as before. He was glad he had the rest of winter break to sort everything out and figure out what to do next. The time with Levi and his friends helped a lot too.

On the first day of school back from break, Eren broke up with Reiner. The man had asked why multiple times, unaware that he had ever made that incriminating voicemail. Eren thought it best not to tell him why. He didn’t want the news to be going around school. He was already humiliated enough; he didn’t need to be the pity of the school. He simply let Reiner down easy, which was way more thanhe deserved and Levi didn’t let Eren forget about it. Levi was still set on beating the shit out of the blonde but Eren wouldn’t let him. He said that if someone was going to hit Reiner for being a cheating liar it was going to be him and him only. Levi respected the fuck out of that but still felt like he should knock Reiner’s teeth out with his boot.

Soon enough things were back to the way they had always been. Eren was spending more and more time with Levi again. He was once again talking to his Junior friends and making plans with them. Eren bounced back soon enough and was his old self quite quickly. At least, everyone thought so. But Levi was specially careful. This had been Eren’s first real serious relationship. There was no way the younger had remained unscathed from that. Eren must still be hurting, even if he didn’t show it.

And that is how Levi found himself doing little things to comfort Eren. Levi would pick Eren up from his house every day before school so they could pass by Eren’s favorite cafe to have breakfast. He would sneak Eren out of his classes when Levi had free period so they could hang out at their spot to talk. He would distract Eren with mindless conversation when Reiner was anywhere near by. He would help Eren study for his AP exams after school before letting him rope the elder into watching _Star Wars_ for the millionth time. He would take Eren places every weekend—a park by a lake, a drive in movie theater in the edge of town, an arcade right next to Levi’s favorite book store. Anything to keep Eren distracted. Anything to keep Eren happy.

By the time January ended and the first week of February rolled around, Eren insisted he was fine. He would prove it by remaining unfazed when Reiner’s name was mentioned or appearing unbothered by the sight of his ex. He told everyone who would listen that he was perfectly okay and was looking forward to spending Valentine’s Day as a single more than anything else. Everyone thought Eren was trying a little too hard to come off as nonchalant but they didn’t mention anything.

“Eren!” Hanji called from their lunch table. Eren, who had just walked into the cafeteria, heard his name and whipped his head towards them. At the sight of Hanji waving him over, he smiled and rushed over.

“What’s up?” Eren said as he sat down next to Levi, like always. Levi wordlessly pushed the tray of lunch he had gotten for Eren towards him. It had become a sort of habit to get Eren’s lunch along with his own. No one said anything about that though they sure wanted to.

“Since Valentine’s Day lands on Friday this year there will be a party for all the singles hosted by yours truly,” Hanji said, bouncing up and down with excitement, “and I would love for you to come. We will all be there!”

“Really? Even you, Levi?” Eren turned towards the elder, who huffed and rolled his eyes.

“I was forced into it,” he answered.

“I blackmailed him,” Hanji winked.

“Blackmailed him with what?’ Eren asked and everyone at the table suddenly turned quiet. They knew exactly what Levi had been threatened with. Hanji had said that if Levi didn’t go she would tell Eren all about Levi’s crush. She hadn’t backed down even after Levi’s piercing glare, painful under the table kicks, and insults that hurt like knives. When Hanji was passionate about something, she didn’t let anything get in her way.

“Nothing you need to worry about, sweetie,” Hanji waved the subject aside, “so are you coming?”

“Sure! I think it will be fun!”

Oh, fun it was.

***

Before the party had even started, Levi had decided he would be the designated driver. He had told Eren someone needed to be sober to drive them back from the party. Eren had offered to just walk there or take an Uber so they both could have fun but Levi had insisted on not getting drunk. He gave the excuse that getting shitfaced around Hanji was always a bad idea. He had learned that the hard way when he was a sophomore, a little new to the idea of drinking, and had lost his control. He had left himself in Hanji’s hands. When he woke up the next day, he was floating on a beach bed in a pool of a random Senior he had never even met. Hanji was no where to be found. Ever since then Levi had vowed to never let Hanji get him blackout drunk ever again.

When they arrived, Hanji had greeted them with big smiles and had immediately led them into a corner of her rather spacious house where their usual group of friends were playing truth or dare. So far Petra had been dared to take three shots, Erwin had been forced to reveal that he was in fact a huge fan of the PowerPuff girls, and Olou had been dared to spend five rounds without biting his tongue. Eren was more than happy to join and rope Levi in with him. Levi soon enough regretted ever stepping foot inside the house.

“Alright, Eren, I’ll start with you since you just got here,” Hanji said, a devilish grin on her face, “truth or dare?”

“Uh,” Eren scratched the back of his head, thinking, “dare?”

“Great!” Hanji squealed, Levi rolled his eyes, “serenade the person to your left,”

Eren looked to his left and saw Levi, looking like he was bored out his mind. Immediately, Eren smiled mischievously.

“Any song?” he asked Hanji, who thought for a second.

“The cheesiest song you can think of,”

“Easy,” Eren said before getting up from the couch they were sitting on and facing Levi.

“If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go,” Eren began, smiling so wide he could barely get the words out.

“ _Oh god_ ,” Levi said, rubbing his forehead as everyone around Eren laughed.

“Keep you on my arm girl….er, boy,” Eren faltered but remained with a wide smile, “you'd never be alone.”

Everyone around Levi was losing heir shit. Hanji was on the floor howling with laughter, Petra was trying to stuff her giggles back into her mouth, Olou had already bit his tongue twice, and Erwin was suffocating in his attempt to hide his chuckle. Levi wanted nothing more than to die.

“I can be a gentleman, anything you want,” Eren continued to sing, now on his knees in front of Levi as if proposing. Levi squirmed in his seat as Eren inched closer.

“If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go, I'd never let you go,” Eren reached up and took Levi’s chin in his hand, forcing he elder to make eye contact while Eren sang the last lines beautifully. Coming here was a bad idea.

Then Eren went back to his seat next to Levi and pretended like nothing had happened. The smile on his face was the only indication of what he had done. Levi cleared his throat and shifted in his seat.

“That was great, Eren. Have you ever thought of joining a band?” Hanji thought.

“Actually, Levi and I talked about it when we were kids but— ” Eren was cut off by his own yelp of pain when Levi punched him on the arm, telling him to kindly shut the fuck up. But it was too late. Everyone was already staring at Levi knowingly.

“Let’s just continue,” Levi grumbled, crossing his arms.

“Great! Now we can move on with you,” Hanji said. It took everything Levi had to not wring her little neck.

“Truth or Dare?”

“Truth,” Levi said. It was the safest bet. He didn’t want to be dared into something like kissing Eren. With truth, he got off easy. No one would know whether it was actually truth or not.

But Hanji was smarter than that.

“What’s your favorite color?” she asked.

“That’s it?” Levi scoffed, “black, obviously,”

“Are you sure? Because I remember a while back when you told me that your favorite color—”

“Alright!” Levi growled out before sighing and muttering the reply.

“What was that?” Hanji teased.

“I _said_ that my favorite color is whatever color Eren’s eyes are, alright?” Levi said through gritted teeth. Eren colored for a split second before he beamed with pride.

“Awww, thank you, Levi. I don’t even know what color they are but you can look at them all you want!” Eren said, completely missing the point. Levi almost let out a growl of frustration. This brat was so clueless!

And the game continued like that. They were dared to do some pretty incriminating things and got punishments for refusing to comply with the dares. But it was fun even if Levi was the soberest he had ever been. Eren had only had two beers and so was still pretty fine. When Levi asked him about it Eren had shrugged and said that he didn’t want to leave Levi out. The elder scolded himself for letting his heart react so violently for something so small and insignificant.

Finally, they were about to go back home when Hanji insisted on taking a picture of the squad so she could print it and frame it. She said she would love to have it for her dorm in college. She asked her friend Moblit to take the picture of them all together. They all posed in front of the boy, who seemed to be more than tipsy.

Levi stared at the camera with his usual bored face. He hated pictures. He thought they were absolutely useless. But then Eren laughed next to him at something Hanji had said. Levi whipped his head to see Eren and was faced with his gorgeously radiant side profile. He was smiling widely, his eyes closed because of the force of the laughter. The lighting made his skin look like it was glowing as his hair landed over his eyes and framed his perfectly shaped face. Suddenly, Levi wasn’t so bored. He felt his lips quirk up a little in a smile at seeing Eren look so happy. He couldn’t help it. Eren’s laugh was just so contagious.

“Oh, sorry, guys, I took a video by accident!” Moblit said, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. That dude was definitely not sober. He was quick to tell everyone to pose again though. This time the picture was taken and Hanji allowed everyone to disperse.

“Hanji, let me see the picture,” Eren said.

“Come to my room because I have one percent battery and it’s going to die on me,” she said, already pulling Eren to her room. Levi rolled his eyes. That girl was so drunk she would pass out any second. With the way she was walking, she was sure to stumble and knock out on the floor. Levi waved the thought aside before moving to the bathroom. He should relieve himself before taking the drive home.

“I hope it came out well,” Eren said, now inside Hanji’s room. She had tried to plug the charger into the phone but she kept missing the port. Eren decided to just help her out and put the charger in himself. The picture was just as expected. Everyone seemed to be having the time of their lives except for Levi, who looked absolutely filled to the brim with ennui.

“Typical Levi,” Eren chuckled, already used to the elder’s way of being.

“Right? What a grumpy pants,” Hanji said before moving closer to Eren and pinching the screen in order to zoom in. The screen instead swiped to the right and brought up the video Moblit had accidentally taken.

Eren watched as everyone stared at the camera for a few seconds before Hanji muttered the joke that had made Eren laugh. He smiled a little at seeing everyone laugh along with him. But then his smile faltered when he saw how Levi stopped looking at the camera to look at him. He had turned his head to see Eren laugh. And then all of a sudden Levi’s face changed completely. His hard, cold, serious look dissipated into a relaxed, warm, content expression. Eren watched as Levi’s lips pulled into a smile, an actual smile. His face had softened just by looking at Eren. If it had been any other person then perhaps no one would have noticed the change but this was Levi. He always had that stone cold face so the sudden switch to a happy one was way more obvious and noticeable. Why was he looking at Eren like that? He was smiling at him. Smiling at the sound of his laugh, at the sight of his smile. And it wasn’t like how Hanji looked at him or Petra or Mikasa or Armin. His friends didn’t look at him like that—like he was their whole world. Eren couldn’t deny it. It was right there in front of his eyes. He had never seen Levi look at anyone that way. It almost looked like the way Jean stared at Marco but that was impossible because then that would mean... _oh_.

“Oh my god,” Eren said, setting the phone down. He brought a hand up to his forehead and rubbed it. No way. There was no way. There was _no fucking way_.

“Hanji,” he called, making the woman who had been laying in her bed crack an eye open. She was clearly very drunk and on the verge of passing out.

“Look at this. Tell me what you see,” Eren said, trying to coax Hanji up from her bed but the girl whined and remained there. Eren decided to just bring the phone to her.

“Here, look at Levi. See how he looked at me. Why is he looking at me like that?” Eren asked her. Hanji seemed a little more sobered up when she looked at Eren again.

“C’mon, Ereeeen. Don’t preteeend,” Hanji slurred.

“Pretend?”

“Yeah. Pretend like you doesn’t know Levi is in loooooves wit you,” she drawled, nodding her head in a matter of fact way.

“He’s what?” Eren asked.

“I’m _what_?” Levi’s voice came from the doorway of the room. Eren flinched and dropped the phone. He quickly picked it back up and turned it off.

“Leviiiiii!” Hanji said, laughing a little, “I was just telling Eren—“

“You were telling him nothing,” Levi growled out, “you’re drunk and saying stupid things,”

“Levi, I—” Eren started out but Levi silenced him with a look.

“Let’s go, Eren. We’re leaving,” Levi said before simply walking away and leaving both Eren and Hanji behind. Eren was quick to follow him, though. Levi was his ride after all.

When they reached the car, they got inside in complete silence. The ride home was awkward and tense. Levi focused on driving while Eren stared outside the window because he didn’t know what else to do. This was all so new. There was no way Levi liked him, much less loved him. They were friends, best friends. This wasn’t happening. There was no way. Eren had known Levi all his life and he had never once noticed anything. They had basically grown up together.

Suddenly, all the years they had spent together flashed through Eren’s mind. The first time they had met and Levi had beaten the shit out of him for being a little brat. The time Eren had come out as gay to Levi and the elder had been there to tell him the same thing. The time Levi has been there for Eren when his mom had gotten sick and had almost died. Levi had been with him for so long. They had gone through so much. What if they took this step? Would everything change?

Then Eren remembered Reiner and how he had broken his heart. He had been devastated for months. He still kind of was. Now he couldn’t even look at Reiner, much less continue to be friends with him. If he gave Levi a chance and then it didn’t work out, would the same thing happen? Would he be forced to give Levi up as a friend? Could their friendship survive a heartbreak like that? Could Eren risk his best best for the possibility of something greater? He didn’t think—

“Eren, we’re here,” Eren heard Levi say, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Ahhh, right,” Eren stuttered out before unbuckling his seatbelt.

“Look, brat, what Hanji said—“

“I don’t want to talk about it. I—I need time to think,” Eren didn’t look at him at all. He simply stared at his lap before stepping out of the car and walking into his house. Levi watched him go, watched him walk away.

Neither of them slept that night.


	6. March

Levi sat at their spot, waiting for Eren like he always did. He looked upon the trees and the city and once again wondered what it would be like to look upon this sight with Eren in his arms. He felt the wind ruffle his hair as the birds chirped contentedly. Levi thought he would like to be a bird, to fly away from all this. A problem would present itself and all Levi would have to do is fly away from it and forget about it. It would be an easy life.

“Levi,” Eren’s voice snapped him out of his daydreaming. Levi whipped his head back to see the younger walking towards him, avoiding his eyes. Suddenly, Levi grew extremely nervous. Was this it? Was this where he was going to get rejected? Was this the moment he would lose Eren forever?

“I want to talk to you,” Eren said, now sitting next to Levi and finally looking at him.

“I do too,” Levi said, not knowing what else to do in this situation. He had never liked anyone before.

“I’ve been thinking for a while now about what Hanji said…about us,” Eren explained, watching as Levi nodded in understanding, “and I think I know what I want now,”

“What do you want?” Levi gulped, preparing himself for what was to come.

“I want you, Levi,” Eren smiled a little shyly, “you’ve always been there for me. You’ve always been this constant in my life, my anchor, my support. You’re my best friend, my favorite person, my everything. I want to see if we can make this work. I want to see if maybe we can be even more.”

Levi stared at Eren with the widest eyes Eren had ever seen. Levi’s surprise was evident but it only lasted for a second his face went back to its usual impassivity. Eren saw it though, the gleam in his eyes, the quirk of his lips, the red on his cheeks. Eren noticed it and knew Levi was probably the happiest he had ever been.

“You brat,” Levi said before making a wild move and leaning closer to the younger. Eren’s smile grew wider as Levi got closer. He knew exactly where this was going.

“I think you mean “my brat”,” Eren said cheekily, rubbing his nose lightly against Levi’s own. The elder smirked before moving in even closer to finally bring their lips together and—-

Levi’s alarm blared so loudly and suddenly he flinched awake. He turned it off and looked around. This definitely wasn’t the roof of their school and he definitely wasn’t with Eren. Levi sighed and rubbed his face. He groaned quietly before burying his face under the covers. He didn’t go to school that day.

This is exactly why Levi always hated going to sleep.

***

It was already the first week of March and Eren had not spoken to Levi at all. It has been almost three weeks since the incident and they had yet to talk about it. Levi had tried to, multiple times, but Eren had avoided him and told him he didn’t want to talk about it yet. It was horrible. It was worse than when Eren was too busy with Reiner to hang out with him. Eren was now actively avoiding any interaction with him. It sucked and it wounded Levi’s heart more than the brunette knew. This is exactly why he never told Eren before. He knew this would happen. He was losing his best friend right in front of his eyes and there was nothing he could do about it.

Levi was once again back to his defense mechanism of studying like he was an intern and had to perform surgery in the next hour. He was extremely upset with Hanji and wasn’t talking to her at all either. He knew she was drunk and it wasn’t her fault that his secret had slipped out but still. She was the reason they were in this mess in the first place. He knew he would get over it at some point since she never intended for it to happen but for now he needed some time and space. He knew that since he was most likely losing his best friend he should try to remain as close to his other friends as possible but he couldn’t bring himself to. All he wanted to do was forget the world and everything happening around him. The only way he came close to that was by reading and studying. That always kept his mind busy, kept him distracted and occupied. It didn’t allow space to think of other things. It was kind of funny how easily Levi could solve a physics problem but struggled when it came to communicating with his friends. So very funny.

At the end of the day Levi always went back up to his and Eren’s spot. It was a habit and he couldn’t really stop it. Eren hadn’t shown up there since he found out about Levi’s feelings but Levi kept goinganyway. He waited everyday for Eren to come so they could talk or even just look at each other in the eye for once. All Levi wanted was for things to go back to normal. He wanted to make Eren laugh again, he wanted Eren to show up to his house unannounced again, he wanted to get Eren to skip his classes so they could hang out together.

Levi missed the boy so much. It was similar to the longing he felt in the loneliness of the night. It was that aching desire to have Eren by him at all times; that ardent need to make Eren happy. It was what it had always been, the never ending yearning. But now it felt so much more painful. Before he would be able to satisfy his wishes by seeing Eren after school, making stupid shit jokes that always made the younger go crazy, texting Eren random thoughts that would pop into his head. The longing always remained after that but at least it would become abated for some time. But now Levi had no outlet. He couldn’t see or talk to the brunette. He was forced to live with only the memories of a better time.

He snapped out of his thoughts. How long had he been waiting up here on the roof? He checked his phone, a couple of hours. It was almost five now. The sun was getting low and Eren was most definitely gone. He was probably home, taking his usual nap before getting started on his homework. He wouldn’t be coming.

Levi sighed before leaning back onto the towel. He laid there, staring at the clouds passing by. School would be closing soon. He should probably leave but it was almost five already. The sun would probably set in an hour or so. He might as well stay and see it. He could easily go down the fire escape once it was over. Levi had been meaning to do this for a while. Maybe the sight would cheer him up.

It did in fact make him feel a lot better. It was more[ stunning](https://i.redd.it/adovjq6kv8331.jpg) than he had ever imagined it. The colors blended together like an impressionist painting. It was the perfect mixture of orange, pink, and blue. It blanketed the city in a purplish blue hue that looked undoubtedly gorgeous. Levi hadn’t regretted staying at all. This little moment in time, these couple of minutes of time’s natural cycle comforted Levi. It reminded Levi that time moves on. It waits for no man. Just like the sun, his feelings for Eren would go down and set at some point. They will disappear and give brith to a new day, a new beginning. This horrible feeling that crushes his lungs and suffocates him isn’t going to last forever. He will move on. He will continue the cycle.

***

Eren was having the hardest time of his life. It was already March and AP exams were looming closer. He had received his SAT scores a while back and had realized he was not as good at math as he previously thought. He was now working to get better in order to retake the test again. His birthday was coming up soon and he didn’t even have time to unpack all of what that meant. He was stressed to the point of pulling his hair out but that was not really due to exams or studying. Every second of every day that passed by was plagued with thoughts of Levi. It was bothering him and a lot.

Eren had spent the last couple of weeks thinking and thinking and thinking. He was sure more than a trillion thoughts had passed through his head at this point. Every single one of them involved Levi and what everything meant. When he had gotten home after the party he had been almost convinced that Hanji had been lying. She had been drunk so she could have been confused. But the more Eren thought about it the more it all made sense. All these years Levi had always had a soft spot for Eren and the younger had never realized. Levi let Eren and only Eren tease him about his height. He let Eren and only Eren fix his hair and touch his face. He trusted Eren and only Eren with cleaning duties and personal belongings. Levi always seemed calmest and most relaxed when around the younger. In all the times Eren lost his temper and got in to trouble, Levi was always there to help him calm down. All those times Eren had put himself in danger by provoking the wrong bullies, Levi and been there both to help him beat some ass and save him from having his ass beat. Levi had always cared for him and had always shown it in his own subtle ways.

And then Eren had to face the fact that Levi had liked him while he was dating Reiner. It must have hurt Levi to see Eren with someone else. It must have wounded him to see Eren love someone that wasn’t him. Eren couldn’t believe he wasn’t even dating Levi and was already breaking his heart. This is exactly why he didn’t think he could bring himself to even think about Levi as a partner. Eren trusted Levi with his life. If they dated and broke up, who would Eren have? Who would Eren lean on?

Eren laid in his bed for the millionth time. It was where he did all his thinking. He just stared at the white ceiling and let the thought flow into his mind. He felt like he was being torn from two opposite sides. A portion of him wanted to see if this could go somewhere, if him and Levi could work out. But the other part of him was so absolutely terrified of getting hurt again. Reiner’s wound was still fresh. Eren didn’t know if he could take another one. And this one posed a much bigger risk. He wouldn’t only lose a lover if things went awry, he would also lose his best friend. So much was at risk for something so small. It was all messing with his head. The thoughts were piercing his brain so forcefully he thought he was going insane.

Then, the doorbell rang. _Finally_ , Eren thought. When he got out of his room and opened the front door, he saw Armin standing there, about to ring the doorbell again.

“I came as soon as I got your message,” Armin said while Eren led him into his room, “what’s the emergency and why couldn’t I tell Mikasa?”

“Mikasa is…too overprotective for this situation. You’re the one I need,”

“What is it?” Armin asked, following Eren’s lead and sitting on the bed.

“Levi likes me,” Eren said and upon seeing Armin not reacting at all he said, “he likes _likes_ me,”

Armin showed no reaction.

“You didn’t already know this?” the blonde asked, seeing how Eren was looking at him expectantly.

“No! How did you?”

“Eren, it’s so obvious to anyone who has ever been around him long enough. The way he treats you and the way he treats everyone else are completely opposites,”

“I thought we were just friends,”

“Dude, friends buy you a bag of chips or give you advice. They don’t stare at you from across the cafeteria or wait for you by your locker every day or take you on romantic dates by the seaside on your birthday,”

“Hey! I was going through a lot at the time, you know that,”

“Yes, Eren and as a friend, I invited you to watch Netflix at my house and eat pizza. I didn’t take you to the most expensive restaurant in the city, did I? That’s not a friend thing to do,”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe I’ve been so blind. This is ridiculous!” Eren groaned, stuffing his face into one of his pillows.

“So what are you going to do? I’ve noticed you’re ignoring him and you won’t be able to do that forever,”

“I don’t know. That’s why I called you here. I have no idea what to do,”

“Well, first thing’s first. Do you like him too?”

“I—” Eren rose his head, “huh, I didn’t even think about that. I was so caught up thinking about how our friendship could be ruined that I didn’t even think if I returned his feelings,”

“Think about it now,” Armin encouraged.

Eren sat on his bed with his eyes closed as all the memories he had with Levi flooded his mind. Now that he thought about it Levi did in fact make it very obvious that Eren wasn’t like everybody else to him. He actions said it all and yet Eren had been so clueless. But still, in all those memories Levi had only been a friend and Eren could only see him as friend.

“I can’t. I don’t know how I feel,” Eren said, opening his eyes now to see what Armin would say.

“Alright, let’s do this. Close your eyes,” Eren stared at him but Armin repeated himself, “come on, do it,”

Eren sighed and closed his eyes. He laid down on his bed and focused on Armin’s voice.

“Imagine yourself with Levi right now. He’s like he has always been with you but this time he’s a lot closer. He’s so close you can feel his breath on your chin. You lean down and close the distance between the two of you—“

“Alright, this is weird. Nope,” Eren interrupted him.

“What? Why?”

“Because it’s like you’re narrating a fanfiction to me. It’s weird!”

“No, it’s not, Eren. I’ve spent my entire high school career with you. I’ve cuddled with you and seen you naked more than once. It can’t get weirder than that,” Armin said, making Eren blush at the memories.

“Alright, fine. Let’s try again,” Eren closed his eyes and went back to imagining.

“So you guys are standing together and you grab his face and kiss him. Are you imagining it?”

“Yes, he’s kissing me,” Eren said, the picture clear in his mind. Imagining Levi wasn’t difficult. He had seen the younger a billion times, he could easily muster up the image. He then envisioned the two of them joining their lips, kissing. He imagined Levi throwing his arms around his neck to pull him lower in order to deepen the kiss. He saw himself raise a hand to cradle Levi’s cheek while the other clung to the elder’s waist. In his mind he saw Levi open his mouth and stick his tongue inside hungrily. Suddenly, Eren’s skin became incredibly hot. Levi flicked his tongue over Eren’s. Eren heard his heart in his ears. Levi pulled back and stared at him with hooded eyes that screamed desire. Eren sucked in a breath.

“Eren?”

“Uh, yeah?” the brunette said, suddenly remembering that Armin was in the room.

“You’re breathing weird,”

“Oh, sorry, I guess I got a little caught up in the image,”

“Does that mean you liked it? You feel good about the idea of you and Levi kissing?”

“I mean, yeah. I feel _really_ good about it. I don’t feel like it’s weird or wrong. It sort of feels…”

“Right?” Armin offered the word Eren was missing, making Eren swallow and nod.

“But still! That could just mean I’m horny or something,” Eren denied.

“Alright, imagine yourself kissing Jean then,”

“What? Dude, gross!”

“Okay, think a bout kissing Hanji,”

“Armin! I can’t! It’s weird!”

“You see?” Armin explained, “you don’t like the idea of kissing Jean or Hanji because you don’t like them like that. You only see them as friends. The only reason you like the idea of you and Levi is because some part of you has thought about the possibility before, some section of you likes him and has known for a while. You just haven’t noticed it,”

“Fuck,” Eren threw his arm over his eyes.

“What’s wrong now?” Armin rolled his eyes. He couldn’t see the problem.

“This complicated everything, Armin. Levi and I have been friends since I was ten years old. He knows everything about me, he has been there for me through everything. I depend on him, I count on him. He’s the first person I turn to for everything I need. What if we date and then we break up? What if I lose him? I can’t be friends with someone who has broken my heart,”

“How do you know Levi will do that? How do you know you won’t make it?”

“I don’t but I also don’t know we will. I can’t guarantee a happy ending for us. If I reject him now maybe we can work it out and save our friendship. With a little space we can get over our feelings and go back to how things were. But if I give in and we date and everything goes wrong…there would be no turning back. There will be no chance of returning to how we were.We would lose all these past years together,”

“Eren, are you going to deny your feelings for Levi? You’re going to pretend you don’t feel anything for him when you’ve just realized that the idea of being with him makes you happy, makes you feel good?”

“There’s a lot at stake here,” Eren reminded him.

“You can’t change anything if you sacrifice nothing, Eren,”

“But—”

“In the end,” Armin interrupted, “it’s up to you. Whatever you choose to do, I’ll support you. Just think carefully about this, Eren. Whatever option you choose, make sure it’s the one you really want,”

That night Eren spent it thinking. He was afraid—absolutely terrified actually. Could he really put everything on the line? Could he give his heart out like that again? Could he risk everything? Could he survive another heartbreak?

He fell asleep before he could answer the questions. But maybe it was for the best because his dreams consisted of Levi that night. When Eren woke up the next day, he noticed the green bracelet he had been wearing for months now, never wanting to take it off.

Eren knew exactly what to do.

***

Although Levi had realized that he would have to move on from Eren at some point he still found himself at their spot. Up on the roof he still waited hopefully for Eren to show up. It was about to be three in the afternoon. Even though Levi had expected this, his heart still fell.

Levi packed up the blanket and closed his bag. He made his way towards the door. His hand touched the handle a second before it flew open.

“You’re still here!” Eren gasped out, out of breath like he had been running, “I want to talk to you,”

“I do too,” Levi said after getting over his surprise that Eren had actually shown up after weeks of not talking to each other.

“I’ve been thinking a lot and I finally know what I want,” Eren said, now catching his breath. For a second, Levi got an overwhelming sense of deja vu, like he had heard those words before. He felt like he had seen this scene before.

“What do you want?” Levi said and as soon as the words came out of his mouth he realized where he had heard it all before, where he had seen this exact scene before. This had been his dream, one of the most vivid ones. Would this end the same way as the dream? Would Eren return his feelings? Or would he be ripped away cruelly after kissing Eren?

“I want you, Levi. I really, _really_ do,” Eren said and for a second Levi thought he things would be okay, “but I can’t be with you,”

Levi should have known better.

“Wait, what?”

“Look, I’ve been thinking about us and everything. I know that I like you…er, romantically, but I can’t date you. I can’t stand another heartbreak, Levi. What Reiner did to me really hurt me and—”

“Eren, I would _never_ —”

“I know that you think that but still. What if we break up? What if I break your heart or you break mine? We won’t be able to be friends. We would lose each other. On the other hand, if we forget about this, if we forget our feelings, we can continue being friends and being together. No one has to get hurt,”

“Are you rejecting me even though you have feelings for me”— Eren nodded—“because you’re afraid of getting hurt?”

“Exactly,” Eren continued to nod.

“Eren, I’ve liked you since middle school. I’ve thought about us being together more times than I could possibly count. Of course I’ve thought of the possibility of us getting hurt. Hell, just months ago I thought I was going to die because you were going out with Reiner and it was killing me from the inside out. Yeah, there is a possibility of us hurting each other but that never once stopped my feelings for you. Why is that important to you?”

Eren had never seen Levi look so emotional in his life. The elder looked so distressed, like every word was causing a stab wound into his chest. His eyebrows were furrowed and he was using his hands to gesticulate, which Levi never did. This was obviously something he was passionate about; this was obviously an emotional topic for him. Eren forced himself to look away.

“Maybe if things were different. Maybe if there was a way you could guarantee that we wouldn’t lose each other. If you could promise things will work out,”

Levi stared at him for a second, opening his mouth to speak before closing it. He looked at Eren, standing right there, almost in his arms. The younger had admitted he felt the same things for Levi.They wanted the same things yet Eren was holding back. He was scared and his fear was preventing him from taking this step forward. It made sense why Eren would be hesitant to give his heart out again but it still hurt Levi. It would be so easy, so _incredibly_ easy to just promise that no one would get hurt just to have Eren. With one little “I promise” Eren would be his and he would have everything he has wanted since he was old enough to know about love. His dreams would become true and he would be happy. But he would be lying.

“Goddamn it,” Levi cursed, rubbing his face with his hands. This shit is going to hurt like a bitch. Levi took a deep breath and pulled his hands away to look at Eren. His heart was already saying goodbye as it burned and was ripped to pieces at the same time.

“Eren, I want to fully believe that I will never break your heart or damage you in any way. I want nothing more than to stand here and give you what you asked of me so I can finally love you like I’ve been dreaming about so much it has made me an insomniac. But if I said that to you right now...it would be a lie. Eren, I can’t promise you that I won’t hurt you. I just can’t make a promise I’m not sure I can keep. I have no idea what life holds for me—for us. I don’t know the obstacles that will come in our way, the things we will have to overcome. I know that I love you but I don’t know if I can prevent myself from hurting you. Life brings many crazy things and it changes people. I could change, you could change...our feelings could change and I would have broken my promise. It would be even more painful to you if I promised to not hurt you and then do just that years later. I don’t want that. I don’t want to start our relationship on a lie I made just to have you. So, no. I can’t promise I won’t hurt you or break your heart or something even worse than that. The only thing I can be sure of is the present. I know this is probably not what you want. I know you don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to either. But isn’t that what love is? Risking everything for the moment? Putting everything on the line for the smallest possibility of a happy ending? I don’t know what will happen to us but I know that I love you and I’m willing to risk everything just to be with you...just to see what we could be, where this road could take us. I know you don’t want to get hurt but…please think about it. Are you willing to risk it to see if we could have something worthwhile, something even better than what we have now?”

Levi finished his speech just as the wind picked up and engulfed them. Their hair and clothes rustled but neither of them moved. This was it. Levi had put everything he had into those words. He had laid his heart out and finally for once in his life said what he was thinking. For the first time ever, the world knew exactly what Levi Ackerman was feeling, what was behind his expressionless face. It was all up to Eren now.

“Dude, are you Shakespeare or something? What the hell was that?” Eren blurted out. Levi huffed before walking away. He was held back though, by Eren’s hand on his wrist. Eren pulled him close until their chests were touching.

“Don’t take it the wrong way. I liked it,” Eren said, smiling widely now.

“What?”

“I liked it, Levi. I liked that you said all those things,”

“Wait, what does this mean?”

“It means okay. Let’s do this,”

“Don’t toy with me, brat. Are you sure?” Levi eyed him wearily.

“Yes, Levi. When I was with Reiner he promised that he loved me and this and that. He promised me the world and in the end he ended up destroying it. Our whole relationship was built on lies and empty promises. I don’t want that with us. And the fact that you couldn’t make a promise you knew you couldn’t keep shows me that you don’t want to lie to me. You don’t want to deceive me or use me like Reiner did. You really don’t want to hurt me,”

“Of course I don’t,”

“I know. I don’t want to either,” Eren whispered and as quick as lighting, leaned down and captured Levi’s lips with his own. Immediately, Eren’s spine became electrocuted and his fingers itched to touch Levi’s skin. He grabbed Levi’s waist with both bands and pushed their bodied together in hopes of more contact. Levi quickly got the urgency and held on to Eren’s neck. One of his hands became entangled into Eren’s hair as his tongue opened Eren’s mouth. Their tongues moved together a little sloppily and Levi was sure some saliva was slipping from the corner of his mouth but it was perfect. It was all so perfect.

“ _Christ_ ,” Eren gasped out when they pulled back.

“Tell me about it. I’ve been wanting to do that since…I can’t do math right now. Since a really long time,” Levi said. making Eren laugh that boisterous little laugh that forced Levi to smile. God, he missed this.

“Oh, this was definitely the right choice,” Eren said before pulling Levi close and kissing him again. It was quick this time, almost a little peck.

“Hey, you want to stay and watch the sunset?” Levi asked, staring up at Eren and biting his lip a little.

“Fuck yeah,” Eren agreed. Levi could almost sigh dreamily. _That’s_ how happy he was.

When they sat back down on the blanket, Eren didn’t hesitate to get a lot closer than he usually would. He put his arm around Levi’s waist and pulled the younger closer. Levi laid his head on Eren’s shoulder comfortably. He closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh air. Levi could get used to this.

“Hey, Levi,” Eren looked at him, a sly smirk on his face

“Hm?”

“Are you Shakespeare?”

“This shit again?”

“Because “I do love nothing in the world so well as you”,” Eren’s smirk only grew with each word. Levi only rolled his eyes.

“You really quoted _Much Ado About Nothing_ like that? What the fuck?”

“How did you know?”

“Eren, _I_ gave you that book,” Levi huffed, remembering the time he had gotten the book for Eren as a joke. He knew Eren didn’t like to read a lot so he was surprised to find out that Eren had read it for him in the end. It was one of the few moments in their time together that Levi could pretend Eren had feelings for him too. But it was okay. He didn’t need to pretend anymore. Eren was here with him and his feelings were as real as Levi’s.

“Oh yeah!”

“Shitty brat,” Levi muttered, shaking his head and pretending to be annoyed. It was useless, however, since their smiles were clear on their faces. 

That day Levi had finally watched the sunset the way he always wanted to: with Eren by his side. This time the sky looked even more beautiful than ever before. The same purplish blue tinged the city below them but this time it was even more breathtaking because the hue made Eren look beyond stunning. The same sun went down and begot a rare starry night, but this time it brought more than just a new day. It introduced a new beginning, one both Eren and Levi knew would be a hell of a good one.


End file.
